the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize