she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
