First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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