i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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