i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I bet he comes in French.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
