im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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