A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
