if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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