Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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