I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
