sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
