Kiss
Puke
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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