I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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