so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The feeling are messing with the penis
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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