Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
