what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
