yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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