Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize