Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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