so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
