ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
