He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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