Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
worst night to have a conscience
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
