a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
