How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
