Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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