Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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