Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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