Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the day after is always just damage control
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize