Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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