If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize