I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
