i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
