I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
