why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
