There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
