in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
