i just had sex bonerless
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
