this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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