I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
