i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
