bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
