whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
