i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
