1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you inspire me to be a worse person
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
