I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
