i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
