i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
