My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
