When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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