If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
