I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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