so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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