her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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