morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
