I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
