I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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