Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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