Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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