haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
