We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I understand Curling. That high.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
