Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you will always have a special place in my vag
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
