I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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