People with herpes should wear stickers.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
