Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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