after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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