So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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