I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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