So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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