Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
